1138 Kilometres

Chapter 1

Leaving Barcelona, Spain.

My friend who drove me to the airport was waving at me as we said our last goodbyes.

‘Adios.’ We both said to each other, giving one another a very big hug. I turned around one last time hoping she would too, but I guess I was too late, she and her mum were already inside the car.

Today is a clear and sunny day; on this side of the world the breeze of warm hair kissed my cheeks as I entered the airport.

The one thing I could think of was that it was finally happening. After many years being told I would go to England, it was finally coming true. Who would have thought a simple girl like me would be coming to such a place? I had high hopes and a very happy spirit.

Arriving in London, England.

As I stepped a foot out of the airport, I could instantly feel the gale of dry and cold wind coming from the opposite side to where I was standing. I immediately wore my coat so I could cover myself from the cold weather. The man that was taking us to our house honked for us to come and meet him, I got my stuff and then walked towards where he had parked his car.

I arrived at the apartment and dropped my things on the floor, looked up at the white ceiling and then back down at the marble floor. This new place had nothing my old house had; this made me think of how you never know what you have until it’s gone. In that moment I was comparing every single object in the room to the ones at my house in Spain. The marble floor in here compared to the wooden floor in Spain, the textured white ceiling here compared to the plain white ceiling in Spain, the thin tile wall here compared to the thick brick wall in Spain, and I went on and on until there was nothing else to compare but the air.

I went straight to bed as I was so exhausted from the long trip.

Wait! Did I say bed?

I meant to say the sleeping bag we had brought with us. Funny isn’t it?

While I was ‘sleeping’, more like laying down with my eyes closed, I thought to myself that many things are to happen and that this is a new chapter in my life. I also thought about what I could eat the following morning.

Chapter 2

I got up at 6:00 am, my eyes wide open ready for a new day. I get up, wear my brand new uniform and head for the door, looking back one more time to take in the reality of what was about to happen.

My first day of school: I'm feeling shy and nervous all at the same time.

Time passes and I still don't have many friends or at least the ones I want. I have a flashback of how my life was back at home where I had friends who knew me, then I think about the reality of my life: that I don't know anyone and that I have to make friends from scratch like in primary school.

It’s a bit frustrating that I entered the school in year eight, because now everyone has their friendship group, everyone knows each other since year seven and even since primary school. So that makes me feel even more like an outsider.

Chapter 3

I tried to talk to others and socialize with them but I found trends and patterns in how people behave and how they really are under the mask of positivity and kindness. I see right through them.

I have made a few friends and I have detached myself from others but that doesn’t matter to me as now I feel even lonelier than before; I feel as if my friends from home have forgotten me, because we never ever talk. It’s so bad, we don’t even send each other a text message, asking how our day went or how are our siblings.

I have a flashback of how I imagined my life vs how it is, perfect family house and the perfect friendship group.

Weeks before we started packing for the trip, I was in the playground of my school. Thinking.

I remember imagining myself getting to school and seeing my 5-7 friends and walking, laughing and giggling together on our way into the building. I even imagined the feeling inside of me: the feeling of amusement, joy and satisfaction. In contrast, this is what it is really like when I get to school: I walk all alone walking and crawling my way through the corners trying to get to class in time in order not to see everyone else in their already-formed friendship groups. I dread the feeling inside of deviation, sadness and anger, dreading to come and having only one thing in mind:

When will it all be over?

Then I went to my ‘self place’, a place in my mind where I go when I'm feeling overwhelmed. This is where my imagination runs wild, where I bring my biggest dreams to reality, where I transform the things in my life I’m not satisfied with into a whole new adventure of happiness, enthusiasm and hope.

In this scenario, I imagined my life as a perfect Cinderella story, from the beginning to the end, even adding in a subplot to make it seem more realistic to myself. As soon as I came out from the airport, I imagined the weather to be a little less cold, being driven by a nice jeep into my new beautiful house, not apartment, with beautiful white walls and fancy stairs, 2 bathrooms and 3 bedrooms. At some point right in front of the airport, I wanted one of my friends to be there with me saying our last goodbyes as I was leaving but that didn’t happen, it was all in my head.

I love to plan, but I also hate when things don’t go according to plan. It’s almost like life had something else planned for me.

I planned (more than just hoped) to:

Wake up 6 am

(School starts at 8:00 or 9:00 am so)

6:20, take my shower.

6:20 to 6:50 have breakfast

7:00, leave the house to go to the nearest bus stop or get a ride from my mum’s car

Get to school and meet friends: my perfect friend group was 3 boys and 3 girls, including me, meeting at the front gate of the school, talking and then walking in to the school building

Going into school

Finish school at 2:30 or 3:00

Get home 3:30 or 4:00

Eat a healthy snack 4:15 to 4:30

Do homework 4:30 to 5:30

Take a shower 5:30 to 6:00

Have dinner 6:30 to 7:00

Watch TV 7:00 to 7:25

Read bible and pray 7:25 to 7:45

Then do the exact same thing the next day and for the rest of the week unless I had a club to go to, which is a whole other topic on its own…

Chapter 4

Prior to Lockdown: I'm actually feeling happy because I don't have to go to school and eat lunch alone, but I miss my old real friends back at home. In school things weren’t going as planned. I didn't have many friends, in fact I felt I had none, none from here or from Spain and I was also feeling very depressed, sad and hopeless for the future.

Happy I don't have to make friends as I'm in lockdown but then sad I can't see old friends, I never thought it would be harder to make friends going back to school from lockdown.

Post lockdown: I started school on the 6th of September, like everyone one else. At first there wasn't any change, my school only added that we have to sanitize before we go in a class and as we leave as a new protocol to ‘stop’ the spread, but that didn't help anything. Then they said we had to be in ‘group bubbles’ to also stop the spread. It didn't help at all because, when we had in order to go from class to class, we had to go up and down the stairs, left and right through the corridors, and as a result we all mixed, all the year groups, so I think it doesn't have any effect.

And, in the end, 7 weeks into school, they said we had to start wearing masks, but only in the restrooms, changing rooms, corridors and when entering the building, so not in class, not in the playground and certainly not when talking to a teacher.

Things got a bit out of control as many students and teachers got infected and had to isolate, the school tried to hide that there were cases in the school after only the first week in, but eventually the truth was told: almost all the students and staff had caught the virus at least once in that period.

Well this came in the form of a letter saying ‘we have our first case of Covid-19 in the school, any student in close contact with the person infected will have to be isolated for the period of 14 days.’ This sounded so crazy to me, as we just came from seven months of self-isolation and now, on top of that, they want us to spend another two more weeks in our houses attending annoying Zoom calls they force you to show your face in. I have four words to say to that.

NOT! Going! To Happen!

Let me be honest the real reason why I hate this whole situation is because I feel like I’m in a box with no light that makes me feel closed from the outside, and makes me feel isolated and confined.

This makes me reflect on how life is short and how you only have one chance to do what you really want to. That you should always think about your mental health and wellbeing.

Chapter 5

Post Lockdown (again): I'm finally allowed back into this crazy world. The box I was trapped in for months has finally been shown light causing it to be opened again. I can start a new beginning and with a different approach, with a different perspective and with more energy.

Let’s see what happens! Wish me luck!